What is IFS?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an evidence-based method of psychotherapy that offers a compassionate way of understanding and relating to the inner world of the human psyche. The IFS framework describes the mind as an internal family of distinct “parts,” each with its own characteristics, emotions, and motivations, that are all centered around a core Self that, when balanced, functions as the family leader. IFS is unique in its approach because rather than “fixing” behaviors or silencing negative thoughts, it encourages you to be curious and compassionate to understand and embrace every part of yourself.

The core Self (in some circles referred to as the soul, higher self, or spirit aspect of a person) is the pure, intelligent, wise being that inhabits the body before birth. Self is a consistent, undamaged aspect of each person that observes, leads, and reflects to make strategic choices that foster a healthy, functioning internal family system. The Self operates like the parent of the family that organizes everyone, helps resolve conflicts that occur, and provides nurturing and comfort during difficult times. Unlike parts, which can be reactive or emotional, the Self is the aspect of you that remains calm and clear in the midst of chaos and always leads with compassion, understanding and care.

With Self as the leader of the inner family, there are also other members that are delegated roles or tasks that support the family as a whole. These family members are considered Parts. Each part has its own personality (sometimes a part of you is shy and quiet while another part of you is loud and boisterous), and a specific need, desire, role or task that they focus on addressing within the internal system (perhaps a part that forms lists in your head to help keep track of things). Everyone has parts, but how parts express themselves and interact with the inner Self is unique to each person. The IFS framework teaches that no part is inherently bad or dangerous; they each want to achieve a helpful, positive outcome, even when the chosen behavior has negative consequences. Having parts is natural and doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you and also is distinctly different than having multiple personalities or Dissociative Identify Disorder (DID).

The concept of parts reflects the mind’s way of breaking down important life functions into manageable pieces for efficiency. In the same way that an assembly line makes each person responsible for one piece of the process rather than the whole process, our minds also break up the functions of life decisions into parts that make it more efficient to manage.

Inner Parts fall into three major categories:

• Managers work proactively to ensure that day-to-day things get done (like that voice that tells you to get out of bed and go to work). Managers prioritize control and seek to limit or avoid feelings that seem threatening, such as fear, sadness, pain, or rejection. Managers may show themselves in behaviors like planning, analyzing, and motivation or following a traumatic event may escalate to perfectionism, criticism and overworking. When managers are balanced in their role, they can recognize what’s within their control and release what isn’t.
• Firefighters leap into action in response to a perceived crisis or threat (consider that compulsive urge to appease someone that is angry). Firefighters also attempt to exercise control and work to de-escalate overwhelming thoughts or feelings. Following a traumatic event, they may resort to extreme or harmful coping mechanisms like substance use, gambling, or overeating with the intent to protect against pain and suffering. When firefighters are balanced and feel appreciated for their positive intentions, they can respond effectively in times of crisis without harmful behaviors.
• Exiles are youthful, exuberant parts that often reflect an inner child or inner teenager version of you and also hold the vulnerabilities within the family system. Since trauma often occurs in childhood these parts can carry pain and memories that can become trapped inside when left unattended (like that ache in the pit of your stomach when someone harshly criticizes like a parent or other adult used to). Other parts isolate (or “exile”) them within the system in an attempt to contain or avoid feelings of pain, fear, guilt, or shame. A healthy system accepts and integrates these parts into the mix.

When overwhelming or traumatic events occur (particularly in childhood), parts may overcompensate and become overly protective or reactive, making your system unbalanced and burdened with protective duties. Without a healthy relationship with Self, parts may panic and override the rest of the system with extreme behaviors to cope. If this extreme behavior is successful at achieving the outcome (for example calming down big emotions or avoiding abandonment), the part will store this as a preferred pattern of behavior that continually hijacks the system when a similar threat appears. For some people this extreme behavior may look like overthinking to avoid making mistakes, people pleasing to avoid conflict or abandonment, or excessive work to escape fear. Parts may then begin to carry their roles and behaviors as a burden that deprives them of their deepest desires. The parts are trying to meet a genuine need; however, the adapted behavior may be extreme and carry additional unwanted consequences. Where the IFS framework differs from other approaches is in the belief that all parts have a positive intention to help in their own unique way and are therefore worthy of compassion and support rather than judgment and punishment.

The goal of IFS therapy is not to get rid of extreme parts, but instead to unburden them so they can live together in a more balanced way. In the work of IFS therapy participants strive to: 1) reconnect with the core Self to restore its leadership role within the internal family, 2) resolve past trauma, pain and burdens that impair parts in their ability to function optimally, and 3) understand and embrace the roles, needs and intentions of various parts within the system so the Self can effectively lead the family in harmony. IFS therapy can be a bit like having internal family meetings. You will first get to know the parts and their feelings, fears, etc. Then you must build trust between the leader (Self) and the inner family members (parts) through compassion and address needs with care. When parts feel safe, they can share their concerns and open up to allow Self to help release and relieve burdens. With the burdens lifted, parts can relax and work together under the leadership of Self. It’s like turning a noisy, chaotic orchestra into a harmonious symphony.

IFS is a transformative tool that conceives of every human being as a system of inner parts led by a core Self. Every person already has inside them the wisdom and capabilities to successfully navigate life and with support in healing the wounds that get in the way, can experience inner harmony, peace and love.